Spring Break Recap As many of you know, Columbia RCF rented a 12 passenger van and went on a massive road trip to Florida during Spring Break two weeks ago. Take a look at us in our van, in which we spent 40 of our 120 waking hours during the trip. 
Missing is Ace, who was sitting shotgun at the time, and myself, who was driving most of the time. The trip was a lot of fun. We spent a day in DC, time in Atlanta, Tallahassee, a secret beach in Florida, another secret private beach at St. George island, Orlando, North Carolina, etc. Many of us got tan, blah blah blah. But you can get the update from other xangas. This entry will only focus on the important juicy stuff. After all, what would spring break be without some good old-fashioned drama? Ahh, spring! When a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love. Our spring break is no exception. This is Our Story. I. Introducing... Yours truly, who can never resist at the sight of "honey" (cue the music to "Hail the conquering Hero"): 
Our favorite companion and the other half of the ambiguously gay duo (cue the melody to "Sugar Pie, Honeybunch) (Yes, those are Mickey Mouse ears and yes, he was the only one in the Magic Kingdom over the age of 8 who was wearing superhero facepaint): 
And a determined villain set on ruining the best thing that has ever happend to our hero by batting a pair of the most spectacular set of eyelashes this world has ever seen at the happy couple (cue the song "Homewrecker"):  (aww, so pretty!)
(Oh, and a special shout out to Mr. Albert Chang who helped me upload these pictures):  (he apparently forgot that he's actually from New Jersey...)
II. Psalm 56:1 (Be merciful to me, O God, for men hotly pursue me) The trip started out reasonably well. We were getting along great. I mean take a look at this picture of the happy Odd Couple:  (sadly, the pirate hook got stepped on by some dude later that day).
However, things started to get a little rocky right from the first day of our trip in Washington, D.C. I'm not making any excuses, but the sight from Capitol Hill over sunset can be quite romantic:  (if you look closely you will see that the Homewrecker is sitting next to me, trying to make a move).
He whispered sweet nothings in my ear. Told me that I deserved much better than Jacob.  (I won't lie. Who can resist those eyelashes? I listened).
However, I soon came to my senses and rebuffed his advances:  (Proverbs 3:3-5).
But I was not the only one under attack! Enter the Temptress, who was determined to suck the life out of pure, young, innocent Jacob (cue "Who's that Lady").  (No, that book is not the Bible. And no, she did not get past page 15 by the end of the trip).
She also began whispering sweet nothings into Jacob's ear by the lake facing the Jefferson Memorial.  (Jacob, Jooho doesn't understand you. But I understand you. I will even pretend to laugh at your jokes by the lake as we gaze at the Jefferson Memorial).
By the way, her advances continued throughout the trip. Jacob is not a strong-willed man. He is susceptible to various temptations. He lost his way for a while. He even let her woo him over a mango slushie.  (If you can't tell who the girl in the sombrero is, take a close look at her right foot, where you will see an elongated scar over where an accessory navicular bone would have been).
Little did she or I know that the Homewrecker was also putting on the moves on Jacob. I guess he was that lonely. Or just resented our perfect and harmonious relationship to the point where he just wanted to break us up. Again, Jacob is a feeble-minded man. He didn't really know what he was getting himself into.  (I got you now, Jacob! Jooho will pay for rebuffing my advances, tee hee).
III. Where All Your Dreams Come True Things kept on escalating as we moved further south, culminating in a day spent at the Magic Kingdom. And a truly magical place it was!  (Look, Jacob! We're finally here! I'm happy because I don't know that you've been three-timing me behind my back this entire trip!).
Sad to say, by the time we got to Orlando, Jacob was eating out of the Homewrecker's hand.  (Yes, that's a flower sitting on his ear. And yes, that's a giant sombrero on his head. And yes, that is red superhero facepaint on his face).
Sigh, I am embarrassed to admit it, but I also had moments of weakness in the Magic Kingdom. It's just too magical of a place! When someone makes such overt moves like this:  (I am pretending to get some shade under your cool sombrero, but what I really want to do is snuggle).
How could I resist?  (If you look closely, I am not only holding him in a tender embrace, I am also holding his wallet and his green purse).
Suffice it to say, our hero's relationship was in some serious trouble. That Magic Kingdom is a relationship-wrecker, I'm telling ya. IV. I Wanna Take You Down to Kokomo And what's the only cure to the lures of the Magic Kingdom? A good frolic on the beach! I admired my roommate along the sandy beaches of the Gulf Coast.  (Even if you can't tell without his facepaint, he still is a superhero in my book).
But you know what they say. Behind every great man is another great man who is happy to serve him in love.
 (Please don't say sidekick. We prefer the term "Hero Support"). But when I realized that Jacob wasn't recognizing all the ways I was supporting him, I decided to take measures into my own hands. V. Operation "Get Him Back" First, I pawned off the Homewrecker to this guy who must have had a thing for cute Asian guys with long eyelashes.  (I'm gonna eat you up, boy!) Then I enlisted the help of the other girls to keep the Temptress away from Jacob.  (Thanks, girls! I know it's not easy keeping her down!).
And when all of that didn't work, I had to resort to the oldest trick in the book. Enter the Boy Toy, all dolled up and ready for some serious action (cue "Whatta Man"):  (how YOU doin?)
My perfect plan involved showing interest in someone else to make Jacob jealous.  (That will teach Jacob! He wishes that could be him in a midriff and a fake towel skirt posing on the beach in a prom pose with Yours Truly).
VI. Happy Ending Well, my plan worked brilliantly! Jacob realized what he was missing, and we soon reconciled in the warmth of the Florida sun.  (sigh, I love happy endings. Please hand me a Kleenex).
The End p.s. Mom, Dad, Pastor Bruce, I am not gay. I swear. This is just so that I can get eprops. | 
